The Unspoken Divorce: When "I Do" Becomes "I Can't Anymore |AS Your Voice|
There is a word. A small word, only seven letters long. But in our communities, this word holds a devilish power. It is a power that doesn't just break one person, but two entire families.
It leaves a stain on generations that come after, a mark that asks, "Why did it happen? How did it happen? What will become of us now?"
So much is lost because of this one word. If there are children, their lives are shattered. A child always, *always* needs a mother and a father.
There is no age when a child stops needing their parents.
Parents take a divorce without realizing they are not just a husband and a wife anymore;
they are a mother and a father.
This is the story of one such mother, and the children who were left behind.
Sobia's Story: The Crime of Being a Good Mother |AS Your Voice|
Today, I will tell you the story of a girl named Sobia.
She was a kind and beautiful woman. But after 8 years of marriage, she was divorced.
Her husband gave her the divorce, and they separated.
But the real problem is this: Was that man even a father?
Did those children not need their mother?
The reason for the divorce was painful and small.
Sobia did not give respect to just one of her husband's relatives. This woman would say bad things to her, but Sobia never said anything back.
She never disrespected her husband, and she never took away the rights of her children.
Yet, for not respecting one person, she was given a divorce.
Soon after, both Sobia and her husband married other people.
But what about the children? The children who were learning about the world,
learning to live and laugh... what happened to them?
If a child goes to live with their mother, can a new father ever truly love them as his own?
A mother’s heart has room for all children, but a father’s heart is often only for his own blood.
And if the children go to live with their father, can a new woman ever be their real mother?
A stepmother may have a kind heart, but she can never be a mother.
She will always try to make her husband love her own children more
. She will always try to make the stepchildren feel bad, hoping the father gets tired of them and only pays attention to her.
This is exactly what happened. Sobia left her children, saying,
"Go live with your father." She didn't know what she would do next,
but she hoped they would be okay.
But the man she left them with would not let her be a mother to them.
He would say, "You are a bad character. You are not a good woman.
You are not worthy of raising our children."
Sobia was married again, but her new life was a prison. They would not let her live in peace, always reminding her of the past.
And the children? The children who needed a mother's arms to cry in and a mother's lap to sleep in... they were left in a world without that warmth.
The people around them would say, "They have become foolish. They have gone backwards.
" Their childhood was stolen from them.
Questions We Are All Afraid to Ask |AS Your Voice|
Sobia's story makes us feel uncomfortable. It forces us to ask questions that we often keep hidden.
But if we are to break this cycle of pain, we must be brave enough to ask them out loud.
1. "But isn't a woman's place to be patient and endure anything for the sake of her children?"
This is what we are taught, but let's ask a different question: What is the point of a mother's patience if it destroys her from the inside?
A patient, broken, and unhappy mother cannot raise a happy child. Sobia was not just a wife; she was a mother.
And a mother's first duty is to protect her child's well-being, which includes her own.
Sometimes, the most loving act a mother can do is to walk away from a situation that is poisoning her soul.
2. "If the husband was so bad, why did Sobia leave the children with him?"
This is the question that is used to blame mothers the most. But we must understand: a woman in Sobia's position often has no choice.
She has no money, no home, and no support. She is told she is a "bad character" and has no right to her children.
She leaves with the hope that at least their father will provide for them.
It is not a choice she makes freely; it is a choice she makes out of desperation, hoping and praying that he will remember he is also their father.
3. "Isn't it better for children to live in a 'complete' home with a father and a stepmother than with a single mother?"
A house is not a home. A "complete" house with a stepmother who resents you
and a father who has forgotten you is far more damaging than a home with a single, loving mother.
Children do not need a house with two parents; they need a home with love, safety, and acceptance.
The size of the house does not matter; the size of the heart does.
A stepmother can be a wonderful person, but she can never replace a child's real mother, and forcing
that replacement only creates more pain.
4. "What about the men? Don't they also suffer in a divorce?"
Yes, men suffer too. But in Sobia's story, and in countless stories like it, the man has the power.
He remarries, he builds a new life, and society supports him. The woman is left with the shame and the children are left with the emptiness. While we must have compassion for men's struggles,
we cannot ignore that the system often punishes the woman and the children far more severely.
The question we should be asking is not "Does he suffer?" but "Is he fulfilling his duty as a father?"
Conclusion: A Humble Request
My purpose in sharing this story is simple. It is a humble request.
If you are thinking of leaving someone, please think about the children.
Please make sure your children do not become the ones who suffer.
We all dream of a life where we are raised in the **warm embrace of a mother**, under the **strong shadow of a father**.
That is the world we are supposed to be born into.
But because of this one word, so many children are pushed out of that world and left to survive in the cold.
This is the real **social stigma** of **divorce**. It's not the shame people talk about in whispers.
The real shame is how we forget the **mental health** and the emotional needs of the **children of divorce**.
The real shame is when a father fails to protect his children's heart, and
when a **single mother** is punished for wanting peace.
Divorce is not just about a husband and a wife.
It is about a mother and a father. And before you break that sacred bond, remember the little hearts
that will break with it.
Support for Children of Divorce:
Sesame Street in Communities: Divorce: https://sesamestreetincommunities.org/topics/divorce/ (Offers resources for talking to children about divorce and helping them cope.) The Child's Voice in Divorce: https://www.ourfamilywizard.com/ (OurFamilyWizard is a co-parenting app, but their blog often has articles about supporting children through divorce.) KidsHealth - When Parents Divorce: https://kidshealth.org/en/parents/divorce.html (Provides information for parents on how to help their children adjust.)
(A non-profit dedicated to empowering single mothers and their children.) Parents Without Partners: https://parentswithoutpartners.org/ (One of the largest non-profit organizations for single parents and their children.) DivorceCare for Single Parents: https://www.divorcecare.org/singledandparenting/ (Resources and support groups specifically for single parents navigating divorce.)
Psychology Today - Divorce: https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/basics/divorce (Articles and expert insights on various aspects of divorce, including mental health impacts.) https://www.helpguide.org/articles/grief/coping-with-divorce-or-separation.htm (Offers practical advice for managing the emotional challenges of divorce.) (While not directly about divorce, it's a crucial resource for those in abusive relationships which can lead to divorce and impact children.) https://asyourvoice.blogspot.com/2025/10/ways-to-become-not-perfect-but.html https://asyourvoice.blogspot.com/2025/10/unheard-voices-struggle-of-transgender.html
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